Jimmy’s Journal: There’s A Sure Way To Stop Somali Pirates !
Somali Pirates have hijacked another boat off the African coast. I must admit I have little sympathy for people who purposely go to barbaric countries for any reason. These countries in the middle east have been living and walking in dirt for more that 2000 years and their intellect is moronic at best.
Nevertheless, I still don’t understand why ships in the area do not equip themselves with rocket launchers and blow anything and anyone out of the water who come nearer than one half mile.
I can assure you that after this happens three or four times, word will spread and the ignorant sons-of-bitches can return to their normal day-to-day routine of feeding on themselves.
As for public opinion to this type action, screw ‘em. Political correctness ends when you attempt to board my ship and threaten my life. and legally, it’s my word against yours. see you in court!
Congratulations to Trevor Bayne for winning the Daytona 500 on Sunday. Making his first-ever Daytona 500 start, the 20-year-old rookie held off Carl Edwards, David Gilliland and Bobby Labonte to earn the venerable Wood Brothers Racing team its fifth Daytona 500 victory and first since NASCAR Hall of Fame inductee David Pearson’s win in 1976.
The News As I see It: A man in Colorado dropped an engagement ring down a sewer drain while proposing to his girlfriend. Up until then, his romantic proposal atop a sewer was going real well.
President Obozo was in San Francisco to meet with a group of technology executives, including Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg. their goal was to figure out how to create new jobs, to replace jobs that have been lost as a result of everyone spending all their time at work on Facebook. The Prez hopes that, based on the success of programs like Farmville, a million new imaginary jobs can be created by the year 2012.
A company in Japan is holding the world’s first marathon for robots. My money is on the robot from Kenya winning.
This Date in History: 1613; Michael Romanov was elected czar of Russia, beginning the Romanov imperial line. 1878; The first telephone book was issued (New Haven, Conn.). 1916; Battle of Verdun, the longest and one of the bloodiest engagements of World War I, began.
1972; President Nixon became the first U.S. president to visit China. 1995; Steve Fossett became the first person to cross the Pacific Ocean solo in a balloon. 2002; it was confirmed that Wall Street Journal reporter Daniel Pearl was dead, allegedly murdered by Islamic militants.
Printable things I never told You: 1) To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. to steal from many is research. 2) If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining. 3) The shinbone is a device for finding a coffee table in a dark room. 4) I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you. 5) some people say “If you can’t beat them, join them”. I say “If you can’t beat them, smack them upside the head with monkey wrench”, because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise…….and that’s five !
Today’s Birthday Horoscope: Pisces – February 21st: Tomatoes can be your best friend – go Red for the day (*This horoscope is not sponsored by Heinz, or the Communist Party*). all of that which you experience today will be catalogued under “things not to do in public again”. The horse you received in the mail has a diamond-studded golden tooth.
Hope can be found in the bottom of some packets of cereal. However, relying on this fact is probably a folly you should avoid. Vegetables have always made you think naughty thoughts, so please bear in mind that any visits to market-places could leave you red-faced. If you pick yourself up by your shoe-strings, you are likely to fall flat on your ass. Just thought I’d mention it.
Birthdays: Otto Hermann Kahnm banker and patron of the arts 1867, Constantin Brancusi, sculptor 1876, Andres Segovia, guitarist 1893, Anais Ninauthor, diarist 1903, Robert Mugabe, president of Zimbabwe 1924, Erma Bombeck, writer, humorist 1924, Hubert de Givenchy, fashion designer 1927, Barbara Jordan, lawyer, politician and educator 1936, Jennifer Love Hewitt.actress 1979.
The AREA 51 Retirement Home Bar and Grill: An elderly pair widower and widow meet in a retirement village. they hit it off, sharing each other’s values and finding pleasure in each other’s company. after a few months, the widower asks for the hand of the widow in marriage. she appears hesitant and decided to probe her soon-to-be a little.
The widow said, “Perhaps I shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth, but how’s your health?” The widower replies, “It’s okay. I’m not getting any younger, but I don’t have any major health problems. I can still enjoy life.” The widow asked, “Well, I don’t want to be a snoop, but I’ve got to protect myself. How are you fixed financially?” The widower answers, “So-so. I’m not rich, but I’m comfortable. you don’t have to worry about me sponging off you. I can support myself.”
The little old lady blushes and finally asks the widower, “And how’s your sex life?” The widower says, “Infrequently.” The widow ponders this for a moment or so, then asks, “Is that one word or two?
A man stepped out of the shower and complained to his wife, “It’s just too hot to wear clothes today. Honey, what do you think the neighbors would say if I mowed the lawn like this?” his wife replied. “Probably that I married you for your money.”
The Hits Just Keep On Coming:
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. she puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. she finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. she watches as he wiped a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
His wife asks. “What’s the matter, dear? Why are you down here at this time of night?” The husband looks up from his coffee and asks, “Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?” The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive. she replies, “Yes I do.”
The husband paused. The words were not coming easily. “Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?” his wife sits down in a chair beside him and says, “Yes, I do.”
The husband continued. “Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, ‘Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?” she replied softly, “I remember that too.” He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, “I would have gotten out today.”
An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. they were standing on the back of the ship watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old man overboard. they searched for days and couldn’t find him. So the captain sent the old woman back to shore with the promise that he would notify her as soon as they found something.
Three weeks went by and finally the old woman got a fax from the ship. it read: “Ma’am, sorry to inform you, we found your husband dead at the bottom of the ocean. we hauled him up to the deck and attached to his ass was a pearl worth $50,000….please advise.” The old woman faxed back: “Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap.”
A man staggers into an emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened. The man said, “Well, it was like this. I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows. we went to look for them, and while I was rooting around noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end.”
He continued, “I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife’s monogram on it, stuck right in the middle of the cow’s ass. I lifted the cow’s tail and yelled to my wife, ‘Hey baby, this looks like yours!’ I don’t remember much after that.”
That’s it for today my little frosted flakes. Remember, light travels faster than sound. this is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. more on Wednesday.
Stay Tuned !
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